Sunday, August 30, 2009

The karmic wheel

Karma can really be a bitch, but then it can surprise you. This year felt as though we were always at the bottom of the karmic wheel, squished between it and the hard, rocky road, but just when it felt its most bleak, the wheel turned and we're coming back on top.

These past months have taught me a lot about what really matters most in life: love, family, friends and peace. The rest is all just "stuff". Facing a life-threatening situation in May, I discovered that even when things look their bleakest, there can be both more joy and more pain in store. The joy I had planned on, the pain I had not, and thus when it happened, it was doubly hard to bear.

A lesson was learned, though, that it is not the "stuff", but the love and the memories that really matter. Shortly after my recovery, our basement flooded and we lost quite a bit of "stuff". One thing that was hard to part with was the pair of ice skates my dear grandpa bought for me when I was much younger. As a kid, he took me skating every Saturday, and my North Star skates were among the finest you could buy at the time. I still remember driving to Casanova's and picking them out, shocked that Gramps would be so extravagant. Every time I wore them over the next 30+ years, I got that happy feeling once again. Yet there they were, soaked in sewage, unsalvageable on the basement floor. Yet I shed no tears, as the flood could not take the memories of those beautiful Saturdays on the ice from me. I will always remember the joy I felt wearing those skates and how proud I was to skate for my grandpa. No flood can take that. The love and the memories will always be with me.

As my continued underemployment has threatened our financial stability, this principle has become increasingly important to me. While we love our home, it is not the structure, or even the contents, that really matter, but the love and the memories of family and friends that count. We can live in a different place, drive different cars, get rid of "stuff" and we will still have what really counts: each other, our family, our friends and abundant love and blessings. The rest does not really matter in the grand scheme of things.

That said, it was not until the karmic wheel turned again and we started coming back to the top that I realized how hard these bad times have truly been on me. It was not until the weight came off my shoulders a bit that I realized that I had completely lost hope, and how sad and tragic that felt. Looking back, it is as if I saw the world through a fogged-up, rainy-day window; grey and wet and dripping, with no sunshine or color to brighten the day. Now as things change and improve, I see how truly and deeply sad I have been, and I thank God that this time is passing.

Perhaps I had to come through such a very bad time to really learn the most important lesson of all: my blessings are many, no matter how few I think I have.

2 comments:

Melissa said...

very profound. sounds like you know what's really important. i'm glad you were able to share such a beautiful memory about your skates.

Carrie said...

Thanks, Melissa. Sorry it took me so long to reply :-) I really adored those skates, and their loss was hard, but the memories will never dim.